I kid you not; the comforter was fucking soaked.
I still don’t know what the hell he did to me to incite that response. But Jesus Christ,
I want more.
I want it now.
I want it forever.
I met an angel – who called me the devil. And he got me really, really high. And really, really happy.
It was supposed to be nothing of consequence. Maybe a kiss. Maybe a one-night stand; I don’t know. I mean, that’s what I assumed subconsciously when I learned he was leaving the next day.
But he’s an angel. And also maybe the devil.
He stayed another day. Another night.
That first night, we talked for hours and hours. It was pure magic.
We shared – the good stuff. Kids, exes, life, work, faith (or lack thereof), divorce, travel, his life in England, my life as a recovering evangelical. For fuck’s sake, I told him about Smokers for Christ Club – stuff like that – stuff I never tell anyone because it’s inconsequential and really only funny to me.
But he liked it. He liked me.
Not ever in my life have I laughed that hard, for that long. I should have known then…
coming down from that kind of high would hurt.
We couldn’t end the night like normal people. We had to keep talking. Taking hits and getting high purely on the pleasure of our mutually shared, perfectly cohesive personalities. Like a drug, we couldn’t get enough.
Then we kissed.
And oh my God, oooohhh my fucking Gooooood…..
FIRE. Not the flaming kind, not the kind that’s out of control or the kind that fades after it ignites. Not the kind you have to keep tending to.
This fire… this was the kind that sparks then warms – festers and fuels and forms into coals – blue. fucking, burning. flame.
The kind that warms places deep inside –thawing places I didn’t know were stone. fucking. frozen. cold.
And he said I was the devil?
I’ve never laughed that hard and that long in my life.
I’ve never been kissed that perfectly or that passionately.
I’ve never met a stranger I wanted to love.
When he touched me, I don’t know. I can hardly describe it.
He first fucked me with his fingers and it was like nothing I had ever felt before.
The fire warmed me deeply. Like a waterfall of passion, I came on his hands. On the sheets. All over the goddamn bed.
The glacier thawing.