It’s Hard to Be Pretty & Slut Shaming

 

“When you’re in your mid-thirties and sexually active, you’re bound to rack up a few sexual partners.” – Carrie Bradshaw

That is if you’re pretty.

Back in my early twenties when I was just discovering how easy it was to get laid, I had a Christian girlfriend brag about being a virgin.

It made me feel bad.

The combination of Christian guilt mixed with that little girl fantasy to be untainted and pure, like Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty, induced a god-awful feeling.

Shame.

Without ever intending to, girls slut shame other girls just by way of their chronic comparison spirits. It’s not always our faults – we’re programmed to compete with one another.

I left this encounter in my early twenties feeling guilty but through some introspection and a little bit of analysis, I realized it wasn’t a fair comparison. The truth of the matter is; it’s just more difficult to “stay chaste” when you’re striking, spirited and sexualized than it is to be if you’re plain, pure and protected.

It’s harder to be pretty.

For every one opportunity my friend had to get laid, I had 100 times more opportunities. If we get graded on who says no to sex more often, I’d win. It’s easy to be virginal without opportunity. It’s easy to claim responsibility for purity without temptation.

I’m now a divorcee and in my mid-thirties. I’m sexually active. I’m racking up (more than) a few sexual partners. I’m trying to be gracious with myself because while my behavior isn’t always the wisest, I am no longer the girl who wants to claim that kind of innocence. I’ve been married. I’ve been fucked. The jig is up.

I’m tired of the game. I don’t want to keep score because….

while it’s hard to be pretty; it’s harder still to feel shame.

Slut-shaming is a powerful weapon deeply ingrained in my still recovering evangelical Christian psyche. At least that’s what the guy I fucked last weekend told me after I wondered out loud (in text) if I was a whore. (Things you shouldn’t generally discuss with your hookup, but he’s special.)

unnamed

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